Forgiving Tess Read online

  What happened?

  Josh accepted his cone and paid while Tess appeared to be lost in her reverie. He nodded toward the door. “We could walk on the beach.”

  Tess shrugged. “Sure.”

  She allowed Josh to hold the door for her, and then he followed her outside, wondering what deep secrets she was already afraid to share.

  4

  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

  Ephesians 4: 32

  “So, you went to nursing school?” Josh asked. “Still looking for a job, or are you already working?” He bit into his huge ice cream cone.

  Although she tried to avoid staring at him, Tess found the task impossible. Josh Thorne was, in a word, breathtaking. This wasn’t handsome like ‘wow, what a guy’, but handsome like ‘the cars are stopping so women can gawk and throw themselves out at his feet’ handsome. Her memory didn’t do him any justice—probably because now she understood that his appearance was only part of his charm, and she possessed adult experience that told her he was more than his perfect hair, sparkling white teeth, or those show-stopping dimples. She’d always been smitten with those lousy dimples.

  At the same time, there was a peace that emanated from him, putting Tess at ease in a way she’d not experienced with anyone recently except Uncle Stu. She was certain that all Josh wanted was to laugh and enjoy her company, to be himself and embrace her being herself. It seemed too good to be true. Tess spent much of the previous two years trying to pretend she had it all together. She was exhausted.

  “Nothing solid yet. I graduated recently, but Uncle Stu pulled some strings to get me into Pine View. It’s not hospital nursing in the emergency room like I want, but it’s OK for now.” She licked the outside of her cone to contain the drips. “I’ve got resumes out pretty much everywhere.”

  “Not worried about staying near your family?”

  Tess shrugged. “Not really.” Josh didn’t need a messy explanation, so she stopped short of giving it.

  He appeared to be thinking as he continued eating his ice cream. “Ever consider Florida?”

  Tess laughed. “I mean, I guess anywhere is possible,” she said. “But I was thinking more California, Alaska, Hawaii, Montana…”

  Josh met her eyes. “Anywhere but home? What about your family?”

  Tess grimaced. It was only a few minutes and already Josh was too insightful. “I’m ready to move on,” she said simply. “What about you? Why did you come back to the states? I thought you wanted to be a missionary like your dad.”

  Josh took another swipe at his cone before answering. “I tried for a few years,” he said. “There’s a lot I love about it and a lot that tells me I’m supposed to be in one place with one congregation. I prayed for a long time and God led me back.”

  “You like Florida?” Tess drew a deep breath of the sea air and was convinced anyone would love being so close to the ocean, even if it did mean bad hair days.

  He bit into his cone with a shrug. “I like it right now.”

  “Does that mean you aren’t staying?” Tess asked. “So where do you want to go next?”

  “No clue, but I am working on my resume. I like the kids and the church well enough, but I’m not so sure I’m supposed to be a youth pastor. My soul’s too old.”

  Tess nodded as they walked to the water’s edge and finished their cones. She sat in the still-warm sand, removed her shoes, and rolled up her pants. She dipped her toes into the water and smiled, loving the coolness of it on her feet. She’d been trapped for so long that the feelings of freedom the sea brought almost overwhelmed her. Tess closed her eyes to stop the grateful tears that threatened. Dear God, let me enjoy this moment. Let me be a blessing to him. Keep my thoughts pure, my actions true to Your will and nature, and my words honest and kind. Help me to continue healing. Most of all, help me to accept Your grace—grace that I will never deserve. Amen.

  “What are you thinking?” Josh asked softly. He’d taken off his shoes too and was standing beside her. He was focused on the expanse of the ocean.

  “Sometimes I’m completely overcome by God’s forgiveness.” She whispered the words, hoping he didn’t ask her to elaborate.

  Josh glanced down at her, surprised. “Me, too.”

  Tess turned her attention back to the ocean, aware of Josh but not really caring that he was there. “We should probably go back,” she said. “It’s a long day tomorrow.” Tess walked slowly back to sit in the sand. She was grateful that the attraction she’d sensed earlier had already passed. It was replaced by contentment at being near a good friend again. This was an emotion she could embrace.

  Josh flopped nearby but made no move to put his shoes on. Instead, he glanced at his phone. “We’ve still got two hours.”

  “Wow. OK,” she said. “So, what happened to you after you left Maple Ridge?” She leaned back on her elbows. “You went to…was it Florida State?” Tess was trying to be cool, as if Josh wasn’t already aware that she remembered where he went to college since she’d spent the better part of his freshman year sending him care packages full of doodles, pictures, and even his favorite muffins. She once feared he would forget her, and now she was afraid he would remember.

  Josh lay back on the sand. “Yep. But I found out pretty quick I was in the wrong major, which meant that by the middle of my sophomore year I was also at the wrong school. I dropped my baseball scholarship, my physical education major.” He laughed. “Dropped my girlfriend too—and switched to philosophy and ministry, which led me to California.”

  Well that explained why Tess’s last care package was returned. “California? You’ve gotten your share of warm weather.” Better to keep him talking about himself so he couldn’t ask her any questions.

  “Yeah. I graduated a few years later and headed into the field with Mom and Dad.”

  Tess ran her hand along the grainy sand. When she’d left Pennsylvania, it was snowing and she was wearing gloves. Holding sand was so much more pleasant than holding snow. “So where did you go?” she asked as Josh rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand.

  “Oh, Asia, for a little while. We spent some time in Thailand and Vietnam, and the rest of the time I was in Africa. That’s where their hearts are.”

  “Is that where your parents are now?”

  “They’ll probably never come back.” Josh met Tess’s gaze and pointed at her. “I see what you’re doing.”

  “What I’m doing?” She picked up a seashell and pretended to inspect it.

  “You’re asking me questions, so I can’t ask you any.”

  Tess laughed. “Whatever.” She tossed the shell into the ocean. “Ask away, Jed.” But even as she said the words she wanted more than anything for him to stick to superficial topics so she wouldn’t be forced again to own any of what happened over the last few years.

  And yet if he asked, Tess hoped she was ready to answer.

  ~*~

  Josh considered Tess, aware that she was guarding something very carefully. He was curious as to what it was. He would tread lightly. “Um…” Josh sat up so he could clear his head. He focused on the ocean as he spoke. “How’s Brody? We lost touch when I switched schools and we haven’t talked in a while. I miss that big oaf.”

  “Brody’s good. He got married about three years ago.”

  Josh remembered receiving the invitation, but he wasn’t able to go since he was in Africa. Yet another reason he was glad to be home; he could be included in all that he’d missed being away. “Yeah. I remember. I wanted to be there. Stell sounds like a great lady.”

  Tess was stoic as she turned her gaze to the ocean again. “It was a nice wedding…but we don’t spend much time together now. Everyone’s busy.”

  Josh began stacking shells in a pile. He found a large one and handed it to Tess who smiled as she accepted it, fingering the rough surface on one side before closing her palm around it.

 
; “Life happens that way,” Josh said. “I mean take us; I haven’t talked to you in something like twelve years. I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around you without pigtails.” He reached out and gave her long hair a tug.

  “And you’re a pastor. I’m half afraid of talking to you.” She smiled. “I’m not so great at memorizing scripture…”

  Josh sobered. “Don’t. It’s hard enough as it is. Talking to you…well, it’s nice to just be Josh and not ‘pastor’ sometimes.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll still give you a hard time this week. I wouldn’t want you to think I’ve grown up.” She stood, tucking the shell he’d given her into her pocket. “Come on. I’ll race you down to that umbrella.”

  Josh squinted and finally caught sight of a blue dot in the distance. He turned back to Tess. “You’ve got good eyes.”

  She grinned. “And you should get checked for glasses. It isn’t that far.”

  “I left the glasses at home,” he said. “All right. I’ll smoke you, Tornado.”

  Tess snorted. “Good luck, snail.” She drew a line in the sand with her toe. “Ready?”

  Josh stood next to her and made a show of pretending to stretch his arms, legs, and neck.

  Tess rolled her eyes. “You’re pathetic.”

  “And you’re about to lose.” Josh drew a deep breath. “Ready? Set. Go!”

  And they ran as fast as their legs would take them, neither caring to let the other win.

  ~*~

  Tess dropped to the sand near the umbrella, winded and laughing as Josh fell beside her, clutching his sides.

  “Dang,” he gasped. “You’re still a tornado.”

  Tess laughed. “So, I’m told.”

  “I haven’t raced anyone in a long time.”

  “Some youth pastor you are.”

  “It’ll be a fun week, won’t it?” Josh’s voice softened with the nostalgia of being with a childhood friend.

  “Yeah, pounding nails and getting sunburn instead of laying on a beach or surfing sure sounds like loads of fun.”

  “Touché.” Josh smiled. “But I won’t make you work the whole time. We’ll get some fun in too. What would you say to a softball game? You still play?”

  Tess’s stomach clenched. “Not really,” she said. “I hurt my shoulder. I don’t play much anymore.”

  Josh‘s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Wow. I’m sorry. I remember how much it meant to you.”

  “Yeah. Play hard, get hurt,” Tess said. “It doesn’t matter now. I mean, not like the major leagues were coming for me.” She forced a laugh. “I bet we can find some other things to do anyway. I always wanted to try surfing…”

  Josh’s eyes sparkled in the moonlight. “Now that sounds like something I can help with. How about tomorrow?”

  “Sure.”

  To avoid further questions, Tess stood and held out her hand. Josh took it and allowed her to pull him to his feet. He didn’t let go as they started to walk back to where they’d left their shoes. Although his touch was amicable and familiar, not romantic, Tess worried that she found his hand so perfect in hers. “So, you like being a pastor?” she asked. “I bet the kids would be fun.”

  “They are. As I said, I’m wondering if I might be suited to something else. Not getting out of the ministry necessarily but…maybe being used in another way.”

  They walked in silence, still holding hands. Tess smiled up at Josh as they drew closer to their shoes. He squeezed Tess’s hand before he released it and sat, gesturing for her to do the same.

  “We should probably get back,” he said reluctantly. “I want to get a good day’s work out of you. You’ll need your sleep.”

  Tess laughed as she reached for her shoes and began putting them on.

  Josh did the same.

  “How’s Caroline?” she asked. Tess wasn’t close to Josh’s sister, an older, bookish girl, but it seemed polite to ask.

  “OK, I guess. She’s got a couple kids with that boring husband of hers.” He tugged at his laces and finished tying his shoe. “I don’t see them much, but we talk every month or so. I mean we weren’t ever close, not like you and Brody.”

  Tess nodded, hoping her face didn’t give anything away. She and Brody weren’t close anymore, but clearly Josh wasn’t aware of that. Tess jumped to her feet to avoid the explanation. “Ready?”

  He smiled and nodded, grabbing her hand as they walked back toward the parking lot. Josh stopped next to his motorcycle, lifting Tess’s helmet and holding it out to her. “You want to drive?” he asked.

  “You’d let me?” She was genuinely shocked by his question.

  Josh pointed out at the street in front of them. “See this street?”

  “No.”

  “Ha. Ha. Take this street to the light, make a right onto Palm and then a left onto Delina Way. The bunkhouse is at the end of the street.”

  Tess took the keys. “All right.” She laughed wickedly and got onto the bike, patting the seat behind her. “Let’s go, buddy. You’re in for the ride of your life.”

  Josh groaned. “Maybe I should walk.”

  Tess tugged the helmet over her hair. “You do, and I’ll take this bike all the way home.”

  Josh slipped easily behind Tess, but clearly wasn’t sure where to put his hands. Tess glanced behind her and smiled. “Hang on.” She started the bike and drove away, his hands on her sides.

  5

  And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.

  Isaiah 30:18

  The next morning Josh made sure Tess was on his work team. He told himself it was only because he wanted to catch up with her, and because Stu assured him she’d gained a lot of construction experience thanks to helping often with his rental properties. Josh knew his limits and would admit freely Tess was likely more adept at construction than he ever hoped to be. But in reality, he was keeping her close because he was hoping to sort out his strange and unexpected reaction to seeing her again.

  “Hey, Jed! Do you want us to finish the baseboards in the rec room?” Tess stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

  Josh couldn’t help but smile at the way her messy hair fell in waves where it refused to stay in the bun on her head.

  “I think you should play poker with me sometime, pastor,” one of the kids muttered as he handed Josh a toolbox.

  Josh glanced away from Tess toward Dylan, a high school wrestler who’d recently started attending the youth group.

  “Why is that?” he asked.

  Dylan chuckled. “Because I’d beat you.” He leaned close to Josh conspiratorially. “If you want to win the lady, you might not want to make it so obvious that you like her—know what I mean? They like that mystery, hard-to-get stuff.”

  Josh fought the smile that desperately wanted to come out. “Really?” he asked.

  Dylan shrugged. “Works for me. I can hardly keep ‘em from calling.” As if on-cue, the student pulled his phone from his pants and held it up. The display indicated a young woman named “Sarah” was calling.

  “I’ll keep this in mind, Dylan,” Josh said. “In the meantime, go tell Dana her group can get started on painting the women’s bathroom.”

  “Sure thing, boss.” Dylan glanced over at Tess, who was still waiting for Josh’s answer. “You two deserve each other.” He shook his head and walked away as Tess came over.

  “Meeting of the minds?” she asked, folding her arms.

  Josh laughed. “Something like that,” he said. “I need to grab another box of nails before we can deal with the baseboards.”

  Tess shrugged. “OK.”

  Stu came over. “You two gabbing all day or do you plan to work?” His smile said he didn’t care about the answer.

  Josh grabbed two boxes of nails and hammers, handing one of each to Tess. He leaned toward her with a smile. “Game night later.
You in?”

  Tess smiled. “Wouldn’t miss a chance to gloat when I beat you.”

  Josh reminded himself he was surrounded by kids who were watching his every move or he might have kissed her right there on the spot. Instead he took a step back and smiled. “Good,” he said. “I entered us in the three-legged race. Be ready.”

  “I will.”

  Josh winked and nodded for her to follow him. Even if he was forced to lie on the floor to work on baseboards all day, he didn’t care. With Tess around, it would be fun.

  ~*~

  Hours later Tess was tied to Josh and hobbling toward the finish line while students screamed all around them.

  “You’re like dead weight!” Josh complained. “We’ll lose!”

  Tess snorted, trying not to laugh. “Well maybe if you’d get in my rhythm instead of following your own we wouldn’t be losing. Besides, what is with your long legs? You’re dragging me, Jed.”

  “I can’t help it!”

  They finally stumbled over the finish line, second to last, and fell in a heap laughing as the kids cheered around them.

  “You’re the worst racer I’ve ever seen,” one girl complained. Others laughed and shook their heads at their youth pastor and a woman they all seemed to be convinced was his secret girlfriend.

  “OK, all of you go find Dana or Brian for the ice cream we promised earlier. They’re in the kitchen,” Josh muttered as he began untying his leg from Tess’s.

  She smiled at him and moved away as soon as she was free. “You really do stink at that game. Even I couldn’t help you.”

  Josh snorted and gave her a playful shove. “Well at least we won charades.”

  “A minor victory,” Tess said as Josh got to his feet and held out a hand to her. “Ice cream?”

  She raised an eyebrow. “I get the idea you’re trying to fatten me up. Ice cream two days in a row is more than I’ve eaten in months,” she said.

  “You could stand to add a few pounds,” Stu said as he walked by.